Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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