I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
