i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
