the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
