this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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