I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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