look no pants
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
