I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
