Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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