I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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