i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
