Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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