im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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