Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
