the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
