I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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