Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
