Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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