DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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