I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
