this boner is exhausting
im holly from the hills drunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
