11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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