you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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