I skipped work to stalk him.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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