I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
