i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
