chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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