her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
