Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
