Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
