the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
