Little spoons don't ask big questions
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
