Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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