Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
