I wanna bring you to show and tell
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize