he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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