Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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