never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
