I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize