The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
