How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
