lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
