She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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