I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
