I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
