doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
