I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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