Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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