what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
