I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
