yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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