So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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