i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
