She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
