Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
