i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
