Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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