Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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