White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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