just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
