At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i barfeds in our rink
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
