You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
