I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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