I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize