So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
