I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
