Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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