Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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