Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
