Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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