im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
