We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
