Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how drunk are you?
Several
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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